


The Underhanded Job

by LegacyWorks



Series: Cousin Trouble [2]
Category: Leverage, Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Ace Parker, Episode: s04e15 The Head the Tail the Whole Damn Episode, Gen, Oneshot, Parker struggles with social cues, Queer Character, Sex-Repulsed Parker, Shawn Spencer and Eliot Spencer are cousins, Shawn and Parker cause trouble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24727072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegacyWorks/pseuds/LegacyWorks
Summary: The crew is back in Santa Barbra during a crazy Shark Hunt. They caught word of a corporation scamming low income people of their hard earned money and giving it to their more wealthy clients. That wasn't going to stand. But they didn't expect the SBPD to show up at Tara's door asking questions about fishing of all things.Shawn is delighted to see his cousin and the group again, but he's still getting on the killer's boat.
Relationships: Alec Hardison & Parker & Eliot Spencer, Eliot Spencer (Leverage) & Shawn Spencer, Parker (Leverage) & Shawn Spencer, Tara & Henry Spencer (background)
Series: Cousin Trouble [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787878
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	The Underhanded Job

**Author's Note:**

> Warning - There's a bit of dubcon cuddling (had to happen to fool the mark). Anyone who is sex-repulsed and gets triggered by that, you should be able to tell when it's coming up.

“Alright guys, we are looking at one Phillup Charles,” Nate began.

“He has two first names,” Parker whispered to Eliot who swatted her away. She learned close again. “Never trust someone with two first names, their parents were crazy and raised them poorly.”

“I have two first names. Now stop, Parker, listen up.” Parker managed to ignore Nate’s stare as she snuggled closer to Eliot, ignoring his attempts to push her away.

“As I was saying, Charles has been taking the hard earned money of poor working families and putting that cash in the pockets of his more wealthy clients. Hardison?” Hardison took over, grabbing the clicker from Nate as he dug into the financials.

“On paper he looks clean. Not perfectly clean, just some of the normal accounting errors that your regular business makes, but it looks as though everything was done through legal means. Which is why the cops haven't caught onto his more sketchy practices. See right here? This money,” Hardison pointed to the screen where a chunk of cash entering one account was circled in red. “This came from our client. He broke up her funds into ten different pieces and put them into ten different people’s accounts. And he was good, making sure that it left in one big chunk in accordance to how the stock market was running. No obvious anomalies in the amounts. So I did some digging.

“Check out the dates that the funds entered his bigger clients’ accounts.”

“All the same day,” Tara stated. It was about what she expected, that’s how she would do it.

“Exactly. Add everything up, it’s the exact amount taken from our client. He’s good, it’s always chunks that are small enough that it won’t get noticed as obvious extortion, but large enough to get more than pennies at a time and rack up lots of transfers.”

“Okay, so how do we get him?”

“Right here. Turns out he’s a marine fanatic. He goes to the aquarium all the time and pays huge amounts of money to go on fishing expeditions, even without proper training. He also happens to like tall blondes who know their stuff.”

“Oh, I see where this is going,” Tara said. “You want to pull a Catfish. I’ll be the sexy marine biologist that woos him and gains access, right?”

“Exactly.”

“So who’s infiltrating the rest of the company? You’re wanting to go after the second in command, right?” Eliot asked. There were two marks with a Catfish, never one.

“That would be, uh, you,” Nate stated.

“Oh, oh! Does that mean I get to go to a bar with Eliot? Oooh, that’ll be so fun! I’ll get you wasted!” Eliot groaned.

“Did you forget we live above a bar? Really?”

“I don’t know what y’all are thinkin, but how would the Catfish work?” Hardison interjected, entirely changing the subject. Parker could talk about that forever. “I mean, sure, you have two people to access, but this guy sounds smart. Clean. Professional. I mean, each of the women that he’s gone after never managed to get into his office. This guy isn’t into nasty work stuff.”

“Just means I’ll have to be extra good,” Tara said.

“Alright, let’s steal us a Doctorate.”

…

‘Ha! The giant baby shark just fell on papa-bear!’ Shawn was grinning internally even as he helped Henry out from under the thing. It was surprisingly easy, probably because all of its insides were torn out and searched by the murderer.

He didn’t pay attention as the blond doctor walked up to them, but he did notice how his Dad’s demeanor shifted. Seeing that man flirt would never be okay, especially if it was knowingly manipulative on both parts.

“Guuus, I have shark guts on meeee!” He whined, pulling his black best friend forever away from that gross display of adulthood.

“Ew, Shawn! Stop touching me with that!”

“Nah, man, don’t worry. I’m entirely guts free, you can check! But look, do you remember what I told you about Eliot? And the crew he’s running with?”

“You mean the criminals that he’s made friends with that have somehow managed not to get caught yet? Yeah, I remember them and their scary shadowy organization.”

“Hey, it’s not an organization! They’re only, like, three people.”

“Five people, Shawn! And that’s big enough for a crime group to start causing trouble!”

“Man, fine! Just listen to me, okay? That’s one of them! Sarah, or at least that’s the main name that she’s using now. I think. Unless she changed it. She probably changed it and all my information is wrong, but I know she’s working with Eliot! She’s, like, the grifter replacement for Sophie! Dude, Eliot’s in town!” Shawn shouted with an excited whisper. Gus really needed to find out how he does that.

And how the people literally five feet behind them never hear.

“He’s running a con? Here? Wait, does that mean she’s not a real marine biologist? Man! I knew I shouldn’t trust people with the name Phoenix.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense. If anything, never trust an Alek with a K. Phoenix is fine, though. C’mon, son.”

“You know I’m right.” The two were silent for a moment. “You gonna tell him?”

“Tell who?”

“Your dad. He’s flirting with her, right? What if he gets too close?”

“And miss out on watching her lead him around by the nose? Or see how long it takes before he figures out what’s going on? No way!” Shawn started walking back to the group, just in time for the nice fake doctor to lead them to her lab.

Who knows, maybe she can actually help them out? Or at least Hardison would.

…

“Hold up, you’re telling me we just happened to get here the same time there’s a freaking Shark Hunt? Man, we couldn’t have had worse timing.”

“It’s fine, Hardison. You can handle this, just look at some charts really fast. Tara, make sure to distract them for a few more minutes. Might as well help these cops find their killer while we clean up this business.”

“You really want me to do this? Isn’t this a bit too close to law enforcement?” Tara whispered as soon as she was far enough away from the group to avoid being heard.

“Oh, please. They’re barely cops, only one’s an actual active detective. Oh! Say hi to Shawn for me!” Parker interrupted.

“Wait, you know him? The human equivalent to a puppy with enough daddy issues that I could notice?”

“Oooh, I’ll tell him that! And yeah, I know him. You don’t? Fake psychic, super long con on a police department? He’s like us but small time and works with the police more often. Oh! And super quick fingers, very good at distracting and diverting attention.”

“How’d you meet?” Parker seamlessly ignored the question.

“Eliot knows him too, and he flirted Hardison out of a date with a mafia girl. He could have died, it was funny.” Tara breathed out, shook her head, and smiled in exacerbation. Parker was truly unique.

“Alright, what’s the plan?”

“Oh, I got it! Do you see a chart with a ton of different colored lines that intersect? It’s a map. Okay, follow where the red lines meet the grey ones, that’s where sharks are most likely to be at around this time. The water temperature and wave cycles should be perfect.” Tara followed his instructions, easily locating the chart on the table in the center after a few minutes of searching around. She knew enough about fishing to spew some mumbo jumbo that sounded right and lead them to the location.

“Wait, did you say Shawn’s around? You’ve been made.” Eliot finally interjected.

“And where have you been? That was, like three conversations ago. Man, you can’t just come in here acting like you know everything, of course she hasn't. He ain’t said anything, right? And I doubt he’d let his old man get caught up in anything.”

“Hardison, I’m telling you. Tara’s been made. Shawn keeps track of the crew, I’ve seen him searching around about it. Besides, I was dealing with some punk harassing a cop, one of the punk’s friends.”

“Okay, hold up,” Tara said. “I’m missing something here. Why do you all know Shawn? And how does he know all of you?”

“We had a job here a year or two ago,” Eliot started. Parker didn’t let him finish.

“He’s Eliot’s cousin. Turns out they’re pretty close, and Shawn’s fun enough to hang around. He sends me holiday cards. I got the Christmas one last July.”

“In July?” That wasn’t Tara’s only question, but it helped her understand the man’s mindset. He was a child hiding more than she first thought.

“More importantly, will he get in our way?” Nate was, of course, the only one focused on if they needed to deal with Shawn. The rest of it wasn’t his business, even if it was annoying that Eliot and the others didn’t tell him about this potential flaw in the last job they did in Santa Barbra.

“Nah, not if he finds this funny. And trust me, if it’ll mess with Uncle Henry, he’ll find it funny.”

“Alright. Tara, go ahead with the plan. Henry might be a good cover when Charles comes around, he seems to get possessive and jealous very, very easily. Eliot, make sure that Spencer won’t mess with our plans, but don’t tell him anything about why we’re here. He might be your cousin and a con artist, but he still works with the SBPD. You’re with Parker tonight. Go to a couple bars. Charles’ secretary, Maya Dhawan, tends to go to the Glass Ocean after work, see if you can make her interested. Hardison, keep digging around the financials and help Tara out when she needs more fishing information – I’m willing to bet Mr. Spencer isn’t done picking her brain quite yet.”

Eliot held back a groan. Looks like he was off to meet with his cousin again.

…

He already knew just how much Shawn talked people’s ears off, but he didn’t expect the brat to keep talking even as everyone walked out of the room. There were only a handful of people left by the time Eliot arrived to Shawn trying to convince people to take him out on their boat.

Scratch that, three more just walked out.

Shawn finished up his spiel and directed his attention to the last person in the audience, still ignoring Eliot at the back of the room. A few more minutes before the man sitting agreed to take them on his boat and Eliot was able to draw Shawn’s attention.

“Eliot! I knew you were here! I met Sarah, if that’s still her name. What’s going on? A new secret mission that you can’t tell me about but are going to anyway because I’m just too cute?”

“No. I need you to stay out of our way. We should be finished up within a week, but until then your dad’s gonna deal with wrong fishing information. Just don’t tell him, he wouldn't like knowing anything messed with his plans.”

“No worries! But you have to stick around for a bit after you finish, I need to know what happened after Nate got out of jail! You managed to help out that dude with the judge problems, right?” Eliot didn’t even question Shawn’s information. At least Hardison managed to cover their tracks well enough that Shawn missed a few months’ worth of cons.

“Fine. I’ll let you know when we finish up. Just stay safe, okay? Sharks are difficult to deal with, but you know the killer is still looking for it. Just be careful, maybe take a gun or something.”

“Gun? Psh, I can just use my awesome ninja skills!”

“What ninja skills? Gus could beat you up.”

“You take that back!”

Eliot gave his bratty cousin a hug and a noogie for good measure before heading out. Shawn could probably keep himself safe. He managed this long without Eliot constantly watching his back.

“I’ll see ya in a bit, have fun fishing.”

…

“So, what’s the plan? You need me to chat her up? Slip her somethin? Lead her this way?” Parker asked.

“What? No! Why would you think that? We’re gonna pretend to fight, and then you hit me or something and storm off. Hopefully she comes talk with me if I sit next to her. You can go to the other end of the bar or something.”

“Ugh, okay, I guess we can do it the boring way. But I’m totally going to check her purse before leaving.”

“Just leave the cash, she’s not the job.”

The two walked into the bar, Eliot’s arm over Parker’s shoulder and her hand slipped around his waist. Sophie taught her how to ‘flirt’ and at least Eliot wasn’t the type of person she was more likely to stab than talk to.

Parker giggled and Eliot could only hope it was meant for her character, not her thoughts.

The two chose a spot close to the secretary, Maya, but not close enough to draw too much attention. They started off with a couple of drinks, chatting, being flirty more than they were comfortable with. Which was at all.

Parker noticed Dhawan looking over a couple of times. She would smile at the woman when Eliot wasn’t distracting her, taking a sip of her glass. Maya would smile back.

It was weird. Sophie was way, way too good at reading people. Almost like magic.

Parker was pretty sure that if Sophie was magical it wouldn’t be much different than the current her. But fairies don't exist, at least that’s what Hardison said.

He probably wasn’t lying.

“Okay, she’s had a few drinks and should be heading out soon, probably. Ready for this?”

“Yeah!” Parker said, too excitedly for a person about to ‘break up.’

“We can’t go home yet! I thought you wanted to go out, you know, have fun? Party?”

“Yeah, but does this look like a party to you? I mean, come on! I got dressed up for this, why the heck would you bring me to a bar?”

“Look, I’m trying! Can’t you see that? How should I know what you want when you never tell me  _ anything _ ?” Parker stood up, grabbing her purse before sending a furious look over at Eliot.

“Fine! Go. I’ll just... Sit here. Until you calm down.” Eliot groaned and leaned against the bar as Parker left, putting his hands over his eyes. He tried watching what Maya was doing, but for some reason she was out of his sight. He whipped his head up, looking around. It seemed like most of the patrons stopped paying attention to him after Parker left, but the secretary was gone.

“Damn it!”

Parker tried to keep up her furious disposition until she got out of the bar, but it got difficult after a little bit. 

Right once the doors opened she relaxed.

So did the person following her. 

“Wow, that was bad, huh.” It was Maya. 

Why was Maya here? She was supposed to be with Eliot! Parker considered calling Sophie, but that would be too hard and take too long. So maybe Tara could talk her through it. Still not enough time.

“Uh, yeah. I guess.”

“What, you weren’t really interested in him, huh? I mean, it seemed like you were faking it the entire night. Just not into him, or something bigger?”

“Oh, uh, not into him, I guess? But I needed to be.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Maya let out a sigh.

It was weird. She’s weird. How did this happen, Eliot was supposed to catch the mark! Why’d she follow Parker? And why wasn’t Tara walking her through it?

“Calm down, girl.” Hardison’s voice sounded in her ears. “You got this, just a quick change of plans. She thinks you weren’t into Eliot, that for some reason you had to be with him. Did you, I don’t know, send any signals while at the bar?”

“So, I saw you lookin’ at me…” Maya said, getting closer than Parker was really comfortable with. She could hear Hardison’s ‘aaah’ through the ear piece. 

“Alright, we can go with this. Parker, smile a little and then glance down, make her think you’re shy. Or, like, not expecting her to notice. Then say ‘yeah, y’know’ without giving anything away.” Parker followed his instructions perfectly, though the smile felt awkward on her face. Who the heck smiles while being shy? They’re supposed to be a... a punch in the gut. Blood thirsty. Like Eliot’s smiles. Or Sophie’s. Maybe scary like Hardisons or Nates.

“C’mon, let’s get away from your shitty boyfriend. See what else the night has in store.” 

“Alright, girl, you’re doing great. Just go with her, I’ll keep talking you through. You got this.”

…

“I can  _ not  _ believe that worked. Eliot, did you see that? Parker managed to flirt!”

“That wasn’t flirting. It was barely talking!” Eliot shouted back, frustration coloring his voice. How did no one figure out she was gay? She wasn’t hiding it! “Dammit Hardison!” It might not have actually been the man’s fault, but in some way it probably was.

Parker quietly joined them in the room, finally escaping the necessity to interact with someone outside of her team.

“C’mon guys, we gotta keep movin’. It’ll probably take a couple days before I can get into her work place, but that’s why we have Eliot. You can walk me through, right? I mean, I could be married to her in a week if we do this right.”

“Hold up, you think I can’t do it? Why you gotta ask Eliot. Who said he got game. More than me?” Eliot just grinned, wide and feral. “Ah hell nah.”

“What? I’m just saying, he could pull it off. You care too much about feelings and bleck.” Hardison did his best to ignore the face Parker just made. It was too insulting to his way of life.

“Yeah, everything about a healthy relationship. C’mon, girl, if you really want a fulfilling relationship? Come to me. One night stands, sure, Eliot’s your man. But who really wants that.”

“Hardison. It’s a con. We’re conning her. Parker’s not actually going to date her.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s the principle of things.” Eliot grunted before turning on the TV. He didn’t normally watch them - part of the reason anywhere he lives lacks the giant, needlessly expensive object - but Eliot was willing to bet Shawn did something stupid that ended up on the news. Like he always did.

It took some flipping but he found a channel covering the Shark Hunt. It drew attention to Tara, or in this case Doctor Phoenix, in addition to some detective affectionately named Detective Dipstick.

It was catchy.

“Isn’t that the guy Shawn works with?” Parker asked, appearing beside Eliot.

“Yeah, Lassiter. Looks like he messed up this case in the beginning, they’re calling him Dipstick even on the news.”

“Huh. Fun. Where’s Shawn?”

“That’s what I’m waiting for, Parker. Sounds like they wrapped up the case so he definitely did something stupid.”

“Here is the man arrested for the murder and the one that began this entire Shark Hunt. William Tanner confessed to the murder…” Eliot tuned out. Something was important about that guys face. He recognized him.

“Damn it!” Eliot grabbed for his phone. Of course his stupid cousin got on the boat with the killer, that was just like him! He probably didn’t bring any weaponry, either. His ‘no gun’ policy was nearly as strict as Eliot’s, but the brat probably didn’t have a swiss army knife either.

“Psychic Detective Shawn Spencer with the SBPD managed to apprehend Tanner by luring him away from the public and tricking him into a confession. Mr. Spencer, if you would like to say a few words.” Shawn’s face appeared on the screen and Eliot felt like puking. Of course he managed to spin it like that.

“Yes, thank you. I would like to thank my father,” Shawn paused on screen, drawing out his phrase and making sure all the attention was on him. Cheeky brat. “For teaching me never to trust fishermen. He always brought me out in the early mornings. I hated it. And from that point-”

“That’s enough,” Eliot said, shutting off the screen. “Parker, Hardison, want to head to his office? Mr. I-have-a-gun-pointed-at-my-head-each-week-but-can’t-fight needs some sense knocked into his head. Also he wanted to see you.” Parker jumped up and raced around to grab her things. Hardison chugged the rest of his orange soda and put on his shoes.

“Yeah man, let’s go.”

Parker called Shawn up on the way to the office - how she has his phone number is something Eliot is not even going to try and ask - and lets him and Gus know they’re headed over. Shawn said something about chasing out the rats and grabbing pineapples, but that was neither here nor there.

Though Parker said not to chase out rats because they’re good for the environment.

She also mentioned having a date with Maya. “Well, Stacey Collins has a date with her.” She brushed off the murmured “you’re Stacey” coming from both boys in the car and kept talking. Eliot considered stopping her, but Shawn was surprisingly good at keeping his mouth shut when he wanted to.

He had to have been good to keep such a long con going with a police department. Four years was no joke.

“Hey, we’re almost there. See you in a bit!” Parker said, hanging up. She talked most of the ride over.

Those two really were the most chatty people Eliot ever had the displeasure of knowing.

The first question Shawn had when they walked through the door was “What’s up with Tara? That’s her name now, right? Cause obviously she’s not actually interested in pops but there must be something.”

“We can’t tell you that-” Eliot started before being rudely interrupted by the hyperactive blond.

“The mark gets jealous easily, which makes him more possessive so what’s more possessive than having your new girlfriend in ;your office?” Eliot glared at her. “What?

“You weren't supposed to tell him!“

“Nah, don’t worry, Eli-Belly. I won’t tell anyone, not even Gus.”

“I’m right here, Shawn. I heard everything.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you, now did I? See? Perfectly safe.”

“I’m serious, Shawn. You can't tell anyone about this. Or warn Henry, though it would suck if he actually cares for Dr. Phoenix.”

“Nay, don’t worry about that. My old man’s not looking for love, he’s looking for good fishing spots.”

“Ha!” Hardison accidentally let out a laugh before covering his mouth again. “Sorry. Um, Tara was getting her info from me, and man I don’t know the first thing about fishing. I mean, sure, I looked at a few maps, but nothing that your dad couldn't figure out himself with a bit of time on the internet.”

“Oh, he doesn't know what the internet is, don't worry about that. Still living in the stone age.” Shawn once again ignored Eliot’s glare.

“Whatever. Shawn, let’s order some takeout. I’m starving.”

“Oh! Oh! Are you gonna order pineapple again? I tried the pasta with pineapple sauce like you said, it was great.” Eliot nearly retched. That was it, he was making Parker’s food from now on. No one was allowed to try Shawn’s stupid creations, not if that’s what he does with it.

“That’s it, I’m teaching you how to cook properly, no excuses this time.” He would still make monstrosities - the man’s palet consisted of freezer burned food and pineapple acid - but they might be edible by normal people when Eliot finishes with him.

“What? Why? My pineapple sauce is awesome, you just haven’t tried it yet!” Shawn defended. The man-child actually looked offended, and not faking it either. Eliot almost shot one of his deadly glares at the brat, but held himself back. 

“Yeah, sure. I don’t need to try it to know, Shawn. Speaking of dumb things, did you really get on the boat of the killer? Willingly? I taught you better than that!” Multiple times. With force.

“No, you just threw me on the boat of killers and hoped that I figured out who was bad and who wasn’t!” Shawn shot back. So maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but Eliot didn’t have time to teach the kid properly and he’s good at picking up on stuff.

“Exactly! And it worked until now!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t  _ need _ to get on their boats! This guy was my only choice! And sure, maybe he was a little sketchy, but all fishermen are. I mean, they literally murder tiny swimming people for a living.”

“Uh, Shawn,” Gus interrupted. “You mean fish, right?”

“What? No. I mean the little people under the water that swim. They, like, have fins and tails and everything.” And now it was hard to tell if this was his actually serious face or his ‘I’m messing with you but you shouldn’t find that out’ face. Honestly it could be either. Or both, depending on what he believes.

“Mermaids?” Parker’s eyes lit up. “You’re saying that fishermen have caught mermaids! Oh, Eliot, next time you go fishing will you take me? Pleeeease?” Eliot sighed and shot a glare at Hardison as he laughed.

…

“Alright guys, I’m in,” Tara whispers into her ear piece. “How do I upload the virus?” 

It took a good week of working on Charles and heavy research into fishing to keep Henry interested enough to make Charles jealous, but they got in. Tara was at the main office for a ‘surprise visit’ and had the unenviable task of flirting with and distracting Charles long enough to stick a flash drive into his computer. 

“Okay, good. You just need to get the flash drive into his computer and let it stay there for about three minutes. That should give me enough time to slip my backdoor in without him noticing.”

“Do you know how wrong that sounds?” Eliot asked from beside Hardison. They weren’t in the van this time, so Hardison had the pleasure of dealing with other people as he worked. 

“That’s nasty, go wash your brain out. My nana wouldn’t allow those kinda thoughts, nuh uh.” Eliot growled as Hardison grinned. 

“Nah, I think that’s about how this conversation’s going to go,” Tara whispered before giggling loud enough for Charles to hear. “Wow, sports and fishing. No wonder,” she paused and Hardison held back a gag. 

“Should I turn off these coms? I ain’t need ta hear all that.”

“For once I agree.”

“Wait, no, you can’t turn off her coms! What if she needs backup. I mean, sure, I could just go hide in the vents, but they’re extra cramped. I don’t want to.”

“No, Parker, no hiding in the vents. Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend in there? We don’t want to accidentally burn your cover.”

“Oh! Sarah Brown’s girlfriend, yeah! Hey, can all my aliases be colors? Can I be Purple next?”

“Nah, but I could do Iris for the next one. Also, you’re Sarah.”

“Right. Do I need to do anything for her? I haven’t had a girlfriend before.” This time Eliot intervened.

“Of course you have to do something, Parker. We want her to stay interested in you, right? That means being charming. Interesting. Maybe a bit flirt if she’s into that, which I think she is.”

“You were wrong before. I mean, you thought she was straight. That’s a big mistake.” Parker said back, completely oblivious to Eliot’s exasperation. 

“She liked it when you looked at her, right? Well, that means she thought you were flirting with her, so she probably likes flirty girls,” Eliot explained. Parker had a constipated look cross her face, thinking hard about what he said. It didn’t make sense.

“How is a look flirting?”

“It just is, Parker! It just is.”

“Woah! Okay, good job Tara. Now just give me a minute to break in…. Huh. Done. I thought he’d have more protection than that.” Hardison paused, dumbfounded. The guy was a criminal, and good at hiding his dealings. “Either this guy doesn’t keep anything on his computer, or there’s something wrong here.”

“Parker, did you get anything from the secretary? Like, something about a secondary office, a separate computer, did she complain about anything that could be useful?” Parker was already two dates in to romancing Maya. Turns out the girl likes to complain about her boss. A lot.

“No, not really? Just that he’s an idiot. Uh, I think she was talking about how he always had an hour of time after his lunch hour free, which made scheduling with large investors difficult? Would that do anything?”

“Yes, right there. We could tail him after lunch, see what he does. Hardison, did you see anything in his financials to suggest a secondary building?” Parker send a look at Eliot saying ‘when did Nate get on the coms?’ that Eliot ignored.

“Other than his house, no. And that place is clean, Eliot already went through it.” Hardison pulled up the financials to double check for any shady transactions. 

“Alright, then we’ll have to stick with tailing for now. Parker, do you have another date schedules with Ms. Maya?”

“Uh, yeah, in a couple days. Why?”

“Well, I need you to get into her home. Check her laptop, anything that might have more information about Charles that she might not talk about.”

“Yeah, sure, should be easy enough.”

“Alright. Time to steal the secretary.”

…

“Hey, Nate? Maya’s a bit weird,” Parker said. She had gone to the bathroom as an excuse to talk in the coms. The date was going fine, and they were probably going to head back to Maya’s house if Parker managed to keep conversation flowing until the dinner was over.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she really thinks her boss is an idiot? And like. She keeps talking down about him.”

“Yeah, Parker, that’s what people do with their bosses. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“No, I mean it’s more than normal. I hear Eliot’s rants all the time, he never says that he’s smarter or anything, he just complains.”

“Eliot complains about me?”

“I never said that. It’s just suspicious, like she knows more than we thought. I mean, she just said that she basically runs the company. Don’t you think that’s at least a little odd?”

“Alright, we can look into it. Hardison, figure out what her access levels are and how her financials look. How long she’s been with the company and when they started doing shady stuff. I want everything, no mistakes like before.”

“Oh, come on. How was I supposed to know? She didn’t mention anything about sexual preferences on her facebook or instagram or anything!”

“Just do it. Parker, your job stays the same. Get into her house and look for a computer, anything that might talk more about what the company does.”

“Okay, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I mean, there's nothing for me to talk about! Food? We just finished eating! Favorite books? Sure, Hardison’s list has worked out so far, but I can’t keep pretending to be interested in witches and werewolves!”

“They’re wizards, not witches! And shapeshifters are more than just werewolves and they come from entirely different backgrounds and different sets of instincts!”

“You got this, Parker. You’re doing great so far.”

“Yeah, super great!” Parker blinked. 

“Shawn?”

“What are you doing here, brat?”

“What? Hardison invited me! I won’t mess with anything, just let me listen in! Look, you can even turn my audio off so you don’t have to listen to anything.” Shawn’s end went quiet again and Parker had to stifle a laugh. If Nate knew she was distracted and having fun he might start lecturing.

Parker managed through the rest of the night, hopping into Maya’s car after dinner and riding back to her place. Eliot was trailing behind in a rental in case she needed a quick escape.

Maya played with Parker’s hand as she drove, which felt strange. Sure, Parker’s fingers are really strong but that doesn’t take much inspection to understand. Besides, Maya probably wouldn’t know that strength came from hanging off buildings. If she even noticed.

She didn’t seem like the type that would.

By the time they got back to Maya's house, Parker could feel energy buzzing around her. She breathed, trying to calm down. It was fine. She just needed to flirt without stabbing. Act normal. Don’t mind that someone kept touching her even though she didn’t know this person.

It’s not like Maya would be able to hurt her. Her arms were pretty scrawny. 

They got out of the car and Maya pulled her forward by the hand, unlocking her front door and shifting them both inside.

The house was pretty nice, with a few paintings hanging around and furniture that looked new yet well used. Cosy. It would be nice if that was the way Parker cared to live, but there was too much stuff with not enough value.

“Nice place,” Parker said instead of everything else she was thinking. Hardison said that sometimes speaking her mind came out like an insult. Eliot thought it was funny.

“Thanks! I just got some new decor. Do you wanna sit on the couch? I’ll be over in a second, just going to pour some wine.”

“Uh, sure. This way?” Parker pointed her fingers to where she presumed the living room was. Maya nodded and smiled before heading to what must be the kitchen. Parker sat down on the plus, light brown couch and fidgeted. Getting comfortable was not working, so she crossed her legs and sat on her hands.

“Don’t be too nervous, we can go slow,” Maya said as she walked into the room, two glasses of red wine in her hands. She picked up the TV remote and flicked it on. An ad for stuffed animals popped on. “Shoot. Uh, you didn’t see that,” she said, changing the channel from Disney to Animal Planet as quickly as she could.

“I’m letting Shawn’s voice through again, he’s saying useful stuff,” Hardison interrupted Parker’s thoughts.

She recovered fast enough. “No, don’t worry! I, uh, I like that channel too.” Parker really, really didn’t know what the problem was with a channel. It was just TV, and it’s not like documentaries were much more interesting. Especially not if it was about what koalas eat and how their stomachs adapted. They weren’t predators, so who cared.

“Normally kids watched animated shows,” Shawn started.

“How did you know it was animated?” Eliot asked, further distracting Parker. She wanted to shush them but it wouldn’t work.

“How did you not? It’s American Dragon Jack Lions! Are you telling me you haven't watched it?”

“I don’t have a TV.”

“Oh! Really? Well, do you want to watch Jack Lions?” Maya asked. So Shawn was right. Remembering Sofie’s instructions about wooing someone into calming down, Parker smiled and softened her eyes. 

“Yeah, sure.” It worked.

They watched for a while, flicking between different shows as Shawn gave descriptions of the characters and plot points. It was enough to let Parker talk about them with Maya and give enough commentary to show she had background knowledge. She was also cataloging the different show names to watch later. Who knew TV could actually be interesting.

Right once Maya fell asleep, her breath evening out, Parker slowly shifted the other girl to lean more against the sofa than against Parker. Right once it was clear Maya was fully out, Parker got up and started wandering the house. First was the kitchen to search for a computer or computer bag. People that didn’t expect to get stolen from tend to keep their valuable information in the open.

Maya might not be one of those people, or maybe she was just more practical. Parker had to search for a home office, a bedroom, anywhere that a computer could have been left.

There was a laptop sitting on her bed, still out in the open, like it was dropped there the night before and never moved.

“Alright, guys, I got it. Hardison?”

“Yeh, right here. Go ahead and download it…” There was silence from his end for a few moments. “Alright, she’s definitely hiding something. It’s not a lot of security, but it’s enough that people would have to work and get in. You can go ahead and take out the drive, I’ll let you know what I find.”

“Hey, Parker, you should head back down stairs. She’s probably waking up,” Shawn said. “Go to the kitchen first and grab a glass of water. I’m betting she noticed you're gone and you’ll need an excuse for why you got up.”

“Hold up,” Eliot said, still outside waiting in the car for her. “Why does it sound like you’ve done this a lot?”

“Please, like you don’t snoop on the people you sleep with.”

“No, this is too specific. Have you been running these types of cons? Or making Gus do them?”

“What? No! Gus never listened to me when I told him to go undercover. Besides, it’s not like that’s the worst I could do.”

“Shawn, you know you can’t do that if you’re in the public eye! And you’re definitely in the public eye at this point.”

“Hey, I did this before the world saw how important I was. How do you think I got to you in Argentina?” Eliot cursed under his breath as Parker filled the glass up and walked back to the living room.

Shawn was right. She was waking up.

“Hi,” Parker whispered, quiet and smiling like Shawn said to do.

“Hi,” Maya responded, her eyes sleepy. She snuggled farther into the couch as Parker took a sip and sat back down.

Maya was touching her again and Parker forced down her instincts to get away.

…

“Looks like we were wrong about Charles. Most of the funds were split by Maya, Charles had nothing to do with it. Sure, he got one or two reports of problems from his smaller clients, but Maya managed to filter through them before Charles read the newer reports. He’s just oblivious. A figure head.” Hardison had spent the night pouring through the documents on Maya’s computer. She kept her own financials clean but hid the splitting of other client’s financials. It was a legal transaction, according to the company. No longer the client’s cash, but an investment that the company can do with as they will.

Impressive, legal, and difficult to catch. No wonder they didn’t get noticed by auditors. 

Now they just needed to figure out what to do with that information. 

Turns out, Shawn Spencer was very good at making loud statements. 

He went straight up to the building, swaying as he walked and drawing more than enough attention. Gus had already called the police and two detectives with a pair of uniforms were on their way. Someone in the crowd recognized Shawn as the man who caught the Shark Hunt killer and from a few of his other exploits. 

“Oh, no, I’m splitting, ripping, being torn apart! Ah! Gus!” 

“I’m here, I’m here Shawn. Tell me what’s happening, what do you see?”

“See? Oh, oh no! There’s someone breaking in, it’s my house! No, no! Get back, you can’t take it, how dare you! No, Gus! It wasn’t my fault! They split me! Ah!” Shawn fell to the ground, just barely pushing himself up to glare at the office building. 

“Oh, I trusted you, I trusted you! And this is what you did to me? Oh, the horror! Ah, Gus! I’m bleeding!” He flailed onto his back, arms thrown wide out like they were pulled from both sides. “So many parts! Oh, God! Gus! They’re, they’re  _ selling  _ me! Sewn onto other bodies, my fingers, gone, attached to someone else's hands! Gus, why is there paper? No, not green! That’s mine! You can’t just give it away!”

“Uh, is someone splitting people’s cash and giving it to others?” Gus really didn’t know what came over Shawn this time. Sure, he knew the Leverage crew was in town, but he knew nothing about their current con. Shawn refused to tell him.

“What, you can’t read him this time?” Jules asked when she walked closer to the spectacle. 

“He’s making less sense than usual.”

“Well, this is an investment company. They could be scamming their customers’ from their money and giving it to other investors.”

“That would explain the splitting. And green paper.”

“Ah, Maya! Yes, I see you, Maya! Ah, I see a little girl now. A van. No, now she’s grown.”

“Is it a kidnapping, too?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. He’s probably trying to find the name.”

“Ah, yes, now little girl in the little van is leaving, going. The car? The van? The. The? Thavan. Who’s Thavan. Gus?”

“Do you mean Dhavan?”

“Ah, there she is! Maya Dhavan, she’s the one in charge! She’s been taking the poor working class people’s money, all under her boss’ nose! He didn’t know anything, didn’t know how you’ve taken over his company and destroyed it from the inside out!”

“Shawn, she isn’t here,” Gus reminded. Shawn broke character enough to look away from the spot he was glaring at. It helped sell his ‘vision’ act, pretending like the person he was talking with was actually there.

“Alright, I think that’s enough to bring her in for questioning, at least. Can you give us anything else? Some leads to follow?” Shawn’s hand started shaking at Jules’ question. It was trying to write.

“Uh, yes, I believe so,” he said, staring at his hand like something unusual, something he’d never seen before. Gus grabbed a notepad and pencil from his car and brought it over. Shawn quickly scribbled down ten names before being satisfied. He could always give them the rest later. “Here, it’s them. They’re the victims, oh, I can still feel how they were ripped apart.”

“Financially,” Gus reminded him.

“Yeah, that.” 

…

“You gonna go see dad before heading out?” Shawn asked. Eliot came over to his place to hang out after the job was over. It would probably be another year before Eliot came around next, unless Shawn decided to go on a road trip around the world again.

Eliot promised to make a special dish, just for Shawn, when they met up last. Looked like he was staying good on his promise.

“Nah, I shouldn’t.” It’s been years. Henry probably didn’t want to see him anymore, not after the way he left the family. 

He hadn’t seen his own dad in just as long, hadn’t spoken to him in longer.

“Probably best. I bet he’d get ready to grill up one of his fish and make you gut it. Like some kind of warning.”

“That’s not bad, Shawn. Didn’t you live off the land that one time? Yeah, in Guana. You had to fish plenty there.”

“So? That was because I wanted to, not because some old grumpy man decided to threaten me with bloody fish guts! Entirely different. Besides, I thought you weren’t allowed to talk about that.”

“Hey, I just said you lived there, didn’t say nothin’ about me.”

The two were relatively silent for a moment. Eliot was chopping his vegetables at a staggering speed, Shawn was lost in thought. Eliot did miss the quiet moments with his hyperactive cousin. The times where Shawn could just sit and think without putting on a show for everyone.

He’s loud with his dad, with his best friend, with everyone that he works with or is around. And while loud is his normal setting, sometimes he can calm down and relax. Eliot was always good at letting him lower his guard and relax his attention levels. Someone else was able to watch his surroundings and wouldn’t test him like Henry does.

Eliot liked being that someone.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so y'all know, I didn't mean to make Parker sex-repulsed, but that's what she decided. She probably is closer to Grey-sexual, but she didn't know this mark so touching was a big no-no. If anyone feels uncomfortable like Parker did, you always have the right to say no. You've valid in whatever decision you decide to make.


End file.
